I know it is kinda ridiculous to tell you that I have a crush on you ; and you will probably think that i am being superficial. I hate myself for doing this as well.Until the moment that I read our past conversations , I still assumed that I purely regarded you as a friend. What a joke isn't it ? Why am i having a crush on someone that I barely know ? I honestly have no freaking idea.
Call me stupid , call me dumb. Despite saying that it wouldn't be a bad idea to get myself into another relationship and experience the feeling of love again , I turned down offers after offers.Not because I thought too highly of myself or too lowly of them . I was just searching for the connection .Now that I think of it , screw connection I would say. I reject people that was willing to reply me instantly , reject people that was always there to offer me with a comfortable shelter and crush on a guy that don't even bother to reply my messages.Time has proved time and again that you are so not into me but every time you bother to take initiative to text me , I will just fall head over heels back into your love.Now , this is how dumb love can make one feel. I could simply forgive and forget every bad thing that you did to me as long as you are willing to type a longer message.
You can tweet but you cannot reply me. You can dota but you cannot just tell me goodnight.You can talk to other girls but you cannot even reply my 10 messages long good morning messages. I know sometimes you tried to talk to me but I guess I needed more love.You vanished for 4 days and came back acting like as if nothing happened. I know I am nobody to complain. To even have your sweetness a month back was an honor. I have lied to myself enough , you aren't that busy after all are you? You just don't need me enough to spend more time and effort on me. All in all , you were sick of me. Who cares if I am a nice girl actually , you craved for someone better than me.
Now as I am typing all this , I could say that I am already too dishearten to wish for anything more.I just want to say goodbye and tell you that I have really tried.I may have failed but at least I caught a glimpse of heaven. You are a smart guy and I know everything will work well with or without me.I have absolutely no rights to tell you to stop ignoring someone that cares because I am guilty of that too.Someone better will take over me eventually and give you the due support that you require. This time I really have to go ... For the longer I stay , the weaker I get. I will miss you but I have better things to look forward in the days ahead. Thank you for all the memories silly. It will probably be one of the greatest lesson in my whole entire life. You are my first failure and I will keep you right in my heart. you taught me knowledge that are way beyond academics .
You were the first man who spoke words that are as hurtful as the swords . Yet it is because of this that got me so into you. No one dared to attack me right in my face with evidence as cold as steel.I got aggressive then I realise that being direct was a long lost virtue. After all , who would risk getting hate just to help another person grow? You complemented my flaws with your past experiences and guided me towards the right path. Yes , that is why I called you my star.
You have an arsenal of weapons ; your killer smile , your unique sense of humor , your cute and awkward shyness when we talk about sensitive topics. On top of that , honesty and intelligence were deeply endowed in you. I do not believe that you are a man without passion , you probably just hid it away from me.
I couldn't forget how we used to talk. When you used mi to make me smile , when try with all your might to make me smile. I remember how I used to flare up because you didn't care enough ; and you will tell me that you will change.I remember how happy I was when you sent me long messages , I could hardly wipe the smile off my face when you sent me good morning message and call me cute. 381.It is all in the past now. At least we used to be like that. i really almost forget the real you already. I tried to tell myself that you are just busy and stressed out , I still insist on staying right behind you so that I can give you faith when you are tired. For the past 2 months , I had made use of every part of my faith to stay strong. But silly I am really sorry , I am still the weak little girl that needs to be coax.
I always wanted to be that girl that would brighten your day just by a simple good morning message , I always wanted to be that girl that you will share your troubles and shit with. But I guess I am not good enough and I dont deserve a guy like you. Maybe you will never read this blog ,maybe you will never know how I really feel. Maybe you will just forsake this friendship and start avoiding me for real. But I know I have tried enough and when I look back years later , I will smile and be proud of myself. After i finish this post , I would delete your messages and contact. It is time to move on dear girl , he will never look at you the way you look at him.
Goodbye silly , I will really miss you. And i hate to leave.
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